I Quit Smoking!
I smoked for two thirds of my life!
All those years I spent looking forward to the next puff.
In fact, most of the time it wasn’t just looking forward to the next puff.
I spent most of the time, every second,
My mind consumed by it, how can I get to a place to have that sweet relief?
I couldn’t focus on anything but the next butt.
School was challenging, I just wanted to go out and have a cigarette or two.
I couldn’t listen to the lecture or partake in the discussion, I just wanted to get back to puffing.
It was an obsession, a guilty pleasure, an expense, a bad habit.
I enjoyed it so much, or so I thought.
Those 20-30 or so times a day were great.
Out in the cold, extreme heat, the wind, man I loved it!
But the obsession was on that which I enjoyed.
The relief, the short pleasure, the taste.
What I was blind to see was everything else.
The whole rest of the day was ruined by a want I wasn’t having, to go out, to get away from what I should be enjoying.
How many healthy, good things did I miss while smoking, or couldn’t enjoy due to scheming on how to get away to smoke?
I’m not mentioning the obvious, my health, or even the cost.
How many arguments did I get in by being defensive?
Arguing with innocent people that cared about me, some that didn’t even know me.
I could justify in so many ways reasons to poison my lungs.
But when it boils down to it, they were all excuses.
I’d say they calm me down, make me feel better.
Well guess what, if I wasn’t hopelessly addicted to them, I wouldn’t need that calm.
The calm I received was relief from a craving.
Cravings I had even minutes after smoking.
I was a slave to the cigarette. All my life revolved around getting the next.
I wanted the next from the first one I had.
22 years I was enslaved to nicotine.
But Claire came into my life.
My smoking affected her.
I was the one that smoked, but she was the one that couldn’t breathe.
And when I smoked she wasn’t even around me!
Something had to change!
I couldn’t watch her suffer.
Little did I know, those that cared about me, that argued with my defensive, selfish self,
They watched me suffer for all those years.
I didn’t care that I was suffering.
I didn’t care too much for myself even.
Claire taught me that I am worthy of being treated right, even by myself.
I had a reason to stop.
I couldn’t keep watching her suffer from the second hand of my selfish relief.
And now I know, it’s also for me!
I feel better and wow are people proud!
I did it! I’m a success! This is permanent now!
I had the perfect partner to help me through.
I had to see how I suffered from my hopeless addiction.
But unfortunately I saw how I suffered through her inability to breathe around me.
How could I continue this?
I couldn’t.
I won’t.
Never will I ever smoke again in my life.
Or chew, or use a patch, or lozenge, or any kind of nicotine!
I’m a non smoker and let me tell you now,
I haven’t felt this way since I was 11 years old.
There are times though that are rough.
I’m around the stuff a lot.
I crave sometimes a little and sometimes a lot.
But there’s not one thing in this universe that would get me to take even just one puff.
I’ve kicked it for good, and no matter how appealing it seems,
I’m smoke free for life, SCREW YOU NICOTINE!