Coping According to ME
I know myself, and well I must say.
I have bad days too much, good that I wish would stay.
One thing about knowing myself so well,
Is I know what helps me under this hard shell.
I do not need to explain what helps me to anyone
Even though my coping gets picked apart, some think I just want to have fun.
Everyone has their own opinion of what is best for you.
They think something worked for them, or the contrary, so it must apply to you too.
I have spent the majority of my life upset, I used to not want to be happy.
When I would feel happiness it felt strange, feeling good oddly felt crappy.
I utilized a lot of help in my life in order to not always be full of rage.
Some of my coping mechanisms were taught to me, but most I figured out with age.
I really do not care anymore to explain my ways.
I cope how I do without hurting anyone or anything or committing a crime most days.
If people do not understand me or the weird things I do, well that is just fine.
I just refuse to continue explaining myself all the time.
So if you see me drinking maple, listening to bluegrass or talking a lot do not even bother to ask why.
I am doing these things so I do not go out and scream at the sky.
I found what helps and some of what I do may seem weird.
I know what helps though, I have given a lot of things a try.
The good thing is, I am no longer laying around or doing harmful things hoping to die.
I really do not care so much what others think of me.
I just do not appreciate being picked at when I otherwise could have been left be.
I have seen many strange ways that others have found to cope.
I find these ways weird, I do not understand, but when I am told these are the things that help them, I find a sense of hope.
I see that others too do things that people do not understand.
They too, find relief from the internal Hell they cannot stand.
I tell myself that they were in a worse place than me.
I see them coping, becoming symptom free.
I am proud of them for doing what helps them not feel so awful.
I decide to stop judging them for doing what I do not understand.
I see that it helps them, then offer a hand.
I try to consider myself open minded and accepting.
I can seem judgmental though when I have a hard time understanding.
I feel bad if someone thinks that I am judging them for what they do.
I just do not always understand, but I guess I do not really need to.
If I find that what another does that I do not understand helps this person, then it really does not matter if I understand them or not.
I am contented knowing what they are doing helps them through a lot.
This in fact is how I found many ways to cope.
I observed others, found them weird, tried what they have found to help and instead of looking down on them because I do not get it,
Instead of mocking them because I am the one confused,
Instead I see a way I have not tried to feel better, that another knows to work.
Then instead of negative vibes and attitude,
I find a new skill for lessening the Hell I feel inside.
I find hope in weird, non-understable ways to cope.